Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
The best revenge is premature balding
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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