Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize