went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
