I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
