saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
