Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
