I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
