Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
