dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
