Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
