i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
