Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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