Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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