The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
