remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
He passed out mid-signature
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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