i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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