you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
