So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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