I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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