the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
why is half of my head shaved?
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