corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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