Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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