yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
