Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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