i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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