Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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