that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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