I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
