His pubic hair was longer than his dick
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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