I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
