I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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