why didn't you poke me back
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
