I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize