So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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