I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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