Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
