Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
