your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
