The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
there was a trapeze. enough said
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
