i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
don't judge my taste in strippers
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
