I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
