fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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