What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
