Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
