I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
