Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
