just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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