i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
