omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize