I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
