dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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