i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
