I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
