are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
