she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
