I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
