I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
