I wish I could punch you in the face.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Randomize
