best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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