you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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