singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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