Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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