my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
