im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
