I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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