I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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