Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
