if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
