Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
NoShamevember. You game?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
