Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
